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5 Things I Don’t Get (Last 2009 Edition)

Periodically, I like to “share” with you a list of things I do not understand. Rest assured, I have tried very, very hard.

It is loosely based (extremely loose) on Proverbs 30:18-19, but where the author there writes to impart wisdom and knowledge, I write to get my rant on (not angrily) and be infinitely more sarcastic.  There are kernels of truth buried deep, deep inside (I think).  I also appear to be using many parentheses in this post (I don’t know why).

Also, I write 5 and he wrote 4. That’s one more, isn’t it? Ball’s in your court, Agur.

You can also check out the previous 5 Things I Don’t Get entries by clicking here (if you like). Yes, I am weird and it manifests itself in various ways. This being one of them. Okay, moving on…

  1. Why we still say “tomato/tomahto.” I realize it was a very catchy song and it’s a way to acknowledge our differences, but no one really says tomahto anymore that I have heard.  If they did, they would sound oh so pretentious.  Let’s not be pretentious.  In fact, let’s call the whole thing off.
  2. Why my son has stereotyped Mexicans. Here’s the deal. My son drew a picture on special paper that when folded in half transfers it identically to the other side.  I told him it looked cool and he said, “it looks like a Mexican.” I studied it for a moment and said, “Oh you mean it looks like he has a sombrero on?” He said, “and he has a mustache.” I said, “Oh you mean he looks like a Mexican from a cartoon?” trying to help him understand that not all Mexicans have sombreros and thick luxurious mustaches. Thought it might have took until I hear him 5 minutes later showing someone else and saying, “It looks like a Mexican!”  Parenting is hard.
  3. Why we need to come up with new reasons to be afraid. I thought the threat of nuclear war, a bad economy, swine flu, and clowns were enough, but no, now we have killer potatoes.  “Scientists have found that petunias and potatoes may actually be carnivorous plants,” it says.  Look out Idaho, there’s about to be a spud uprising.
  4. Why They Keep Making Those Spoof Movies. Classics like Airplane! took a genre to absurd, hilarious levels.  Now, they keep churning out these spoof movies I guess because Scary Movie was a success (which was primarily a spoof of Scream which was a send-up of the horror genre).  Since then, they’ve come out with Date Movie, Epic Movie, Dance Movie, Meet the Spartans, and those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Enough! Whatever the next one is, let’s all boycott it so that it will flop and they’ll stop making them and we will have made the world a better, dare I say, safer place.  Since this blog reaches millions of people every day, this should be a snap.  Totally in the bag.  Look out Hollywood, we’re coming through!
  5. Why moving has to be such a pain. We just got finished moving from our house and I thought it would never end! Things were behind other things and children have no respect for where things ought to go but you really only find out the fullness of this when you move.  I proposed a plan about halfway through that we take the remaining stuff to the middle of the street, set it ablaze, and dance joyously around it—just didn’t get the votes to pass it. Made it through the House, but danged if the Senate didn’t shut me down.

Glad I could get that off my chest, and now it’s your turn.

Unburden yourself! What are some things you just don’t get today (or even for 2009)?  If you feel you can help me with my understanding, then by all means, respond to any or all of my 5.

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