It’s been a long time since I wrote one of these, but it seemed like a good point to trot out another edition of 5 Things I Don’t Get. It’s simply a moment for both me and you to unburden ourselves of the things that make no sense to us, drive us crazy, and/or make us scratch our heads in befuddled wonder (if you’re interested in more of these, click here if you dare).
And it has nothing to do with the fact that my brain is past capacity and a serious/coherent thought is harder to find than Michelle Bachmann at an Elton John concert (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
And as always, I even have a Biblical precedent for this: Proverbs 30:18-19. Go check it out. It’s legit.
This time I wanted to take on Christmas music because there are more than a few head-scratchers in that long list of favorites. Enough of the overture, let’s get to the main event!
Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town. Surely, I’m not the only one who’s heard the angry overtones in this song. The whole thing sounds like a threat set to happy-slappy music. You better watch out (or what exactly?) / You better not cry (what if I cut my finger off with a skill saw?) You better not pout (okay, I can get behind that one) / I’m telling you why…Santa Claus is comin’ to town (and he’s packing apparently).
Away in a Manger. This is a beautiful song that I love, but one part bugs me: The cattle are lowing / the poor Baby wakes / but little Lord Jesus / no crying He makes. It’s just that weird idea that Jesus wasn’t a real baby. If He got startled or hungry, I’m sure He cried. Jesus was fully human–that means He even pooped… Okay, you get my point. You’ve got mooing and a chaotic barn with all kinds of animals, it doesn’t take away from His divinity if He cried.
Santa Baby. I never really realized the overtly sexual overtones in this song until a few years ago. Since then I really can’t listen to it without a mental, “yuck” and headshake. It sure sounds to me like she’s wanting lots of goods in exchange for Santa “coming down the chimney” (I can’t believe I just typed that). And this was written in the early 50′s! You know, the good old days when everyone was pure and chaste. There goes that theory. Just nasty.
O Holy Night. This song is probably my ultimate favorite. I love singing it and love the message. It’s breathtakingly beautiful. In fact, I’ve heard so many different versions and styles of it and I can appreciate the beauty in every one of them. Well, that is until I heard this version. It’s been floating around the internet for many moons, but I can’t believe a studio let this guy record and butcher this amazing song. It is hilarious though (bless his heart).
Jingle Bell Rock. This song is so insidious, so sinister. It’s the Christmas version of those ear worms from Star Trek II: the Wrath of Khan (called ceti eels apparently). It burrows into your brain and won’t let go. You can’t really do much with the arrangement so every version sounds pretty much the same: terrible. And what the heck is dancing in the “new old-fashioned way”? I have never seen this in real life, but we except it from our evil holiday songs I guess. Editor’s Note: I am not grumpy, just confused (don’t want to provoke Santa to hunt me down).
Don't get me started on that Justin Bieber fake Reggae Christmas song that sound way too much like Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours."
Your turn! What’s your favorite Christmas song? Which one bugs you or makes you want to bash your radio with a baseball bat? Confession is good for the soul!
I believe in the value of others in this journey of life and faith, and I want to connect with other people, connect others in real ways, and connect everyone I come across to Him. I have a beautiful wife, Andrea, and four wonderful children (and we are also a foster family). I'm the lead pastor of Breakthrough Church in Juneau, AK where we get the opportunity to practice authentic community and live for a vision bigger than ourselves. I also run a website development company called Spark2Flame where I help others reach their full potential online.