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Abandonment Issues

Being in the middle of an international adoption has brought a lot of revelation to the surface as the Holy Spirit speaks in these situations. Over the next weeks, I want to write specifically on these facets of orphan thinking and encourage all of us to reach deeper for the mind of Christ and the true offer of sonship.

The first time it happened we were still in Japan. After we left Osaka so that we could return to Tokyo and finish up final interviews and paperwork, we came back to the Christian hostel we had stayed in previously and settled in.

I don’t remember the exact circumstances surrounding the incident, but I remember the abject horror on Mizuki’s face and the tears and wailing. He had it in his head that we were leaving him and we couldn’t make him understand otherwise.

We tried to console and hold him. We tried the translator on our phone. We tried to bribe him with food. He was convinced that we were leaving and he was not going with us.

This being the first of these sort of meltdowns, I just marveled. I thought about the hours of prayer along with the seemingly endless hours of paperwork. We raised funds and put in everything we had of our own in there. We went to Japan in faith and had to stand in all sorts of situations simply looking to God for answers and support.

“Do you understand what I had to do to get here? Do you understand the price that was paid? You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you out of my sight.”

As all this passed through my mind, I realized the Father feels this infinitely more.

How many times do we let this sort of thinking rule our decision-making in our Christian life? We get excited about what God is doing. He took us out of our old circumstances and offers something better, but when we fail to understand the process at a given moment, we come unglued.

We knew He was just going to leave us. We knew all along that He wasn’t really going to take us all the way into breakthrough.

I have to believe the Father must be wondering what else He can do to prove His love.

“I gave you life and breath. I provide for you–everything you need. Remember the price I paid to have you with me? Why would I leave you even for a second?”

John 3:16 is probably the most known scripture in all of humanity, yet its truth has largely escaped us.

16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.

There are thousands upon ten thousands that are essentially taught that God’s love for His people is finite. If we go too far, He drops us at the curb and says, “I really wish you could’ve done better. I’m leaving ” But the reality is that most struggle with that kind of concept because their earthly fathers (in some form or fashion) did that to them.

It would be nice to say that my son is already past these fears of abandonment, but we’re still working through them. Little by little, he’s understanding though. The more he understands, the more fearless he’ll be.

A Church living in fear is one that is weak and ineffective. Having that strong sense of place and position in the Father’s house gives us a boldness that we need and fearlessness to do the impossible.

Allow Him to settle it in your heart and mind now. He’s never going to leave or forsake you. He’s invested so much time, effort, and resources into bringing you home that there is nothing that could persuade Him you’re not worth seeing through to completion.

What do you think about this? Do you live under this fear or are you living fearlessly for Him?


  1. God will not leave or forsake me. I know this.

    I know that even in my failure, He loves me…

    Because of His great love for me, I do not want to fail or disappoint Him. I do not want to have to be punished for disobeying Him. I want to be a good and faithful son of my everlasting father.

    I know when all else falls away, He remains and in Him, I am secure.
    Dusty Rayburn recently posted..Love Is… It Demands Preparation and Action.My Profile

    • Such a beautiful place to live, Dusty. Thank you so much.

  2. Love this post and the connection you make Jason. Powerful lesson to learn of the Father’s Love. Thanks.
    bill (cycleguy) recently posted..EvenIfMy Profile

    • Within the constructs of His word and character, there’s nothing He hasn’t done to get to us and nothing He won’t do to keep us. Talk about unfailing love! Thanks so much, Bill.

  3. How true… When we depend on our flesh to provide and protect us, there is fear. Deep fear. Only knowing God can allow us to live or walk through the valley of the shadow of death with courage and fearlessness.

    If the God who controls all things in the cosmos allows or causes all things, why would we fear?

    I’ve done numerous Bible studies over the last four years on this subject for the specific purpose of seeking Him and finding a place in my valleys that I could walk without fear. I’m not saying I’m there, but He’s bringing me along.

    I’m praying for you and your son.
    floyd recently posted..BOBMy Profile

    • We all have the responsibility to move into areas where we can trust Him and surrender more, walking without fear. He is surely with us, and if He is for us, who can be against us?

      Thanks Floyd--for your thoughts here and your prayers. You are appreciated.

  4. Thank you Jason! It is a reminder I needed today. Coming over from Bonnie’s jam.
    Katie recently posted..Holding My HeartMy Profile

    • Awesome. Thank you, Katie.

  5. I definitely believe that God is not going to leave or abandon me mentally, but sometimes I notice that truth isn’t completely lived out in my life. I have those moments when I beat myself up for making a mistake and realize that the truth of his love hasn’t completely permeated every part of my heart. Yet.

    • You and me both, Jason. Blessed to be farther along than I was, but not yet where I want to be. Thanks so much.

  6. For me I live fearless I’ve come to realize that living a fearful life does more damage to ourselves then eating Mcdonald’s for a whole week ( I did that once I was in college but I don’t do that no more :)) Right now the religious world is saying we don’t need to hear grace. But Jesus said My Grace is Sufficient. And right now at this time everyone who’s a believer needs to hear how Grace Can help you live a successful life in Christ. Where living in a time where everyone is saying on the media to be fearful for your future. But if you have Faith In the Lord Jesus. You Shall Eat The Good OF The Land. The United States Is Not Falling Apart What’s Happening Is The Babylon System Falling Apart (Which is Man Trying To Meet There Own Needs Without God) So need to Fear, Cause its our time to reign !
    andrew singh recently posted..Christmas-Winterland Photo ExtravaganzaMy Profile

    • Those who hope in the Lord will never be put to shame. We definitely cannot listen to the fear and propaganda that passes for news and commentary in this world. Our Father promises and a hope and future. Doesn’t mean it’s all going to be easy, but it does mean that we get to see the final victory if we stand in Him. Yes, we need that grace! Thanks Andrew.

  7. One word really jumped out at me- Breakthrough!

    Last night at church we talked about walking in the Breakthrough power of God’s anointing in your life. It was an amazing service and I felt lead to write a post today on it. It’s truly amazing to see God working in so many different bloggers lives. Your post fits with mine, but from a different perspective. God wants us to not live in fear, he wants to break through the barriers Satan has erected in our lives. I invite you over to check out my post. God is working in us, He is spreading His message of power and love. I am so excited to see God’s hand working across the globe!

    Thank your for this beautiful post. God loves us so much. It is humbling when we can begin to see that Fatherly love through our own relations with our children.
    TC Avey recently posted..Is Life RAINING on you or are you REIGNING in Life?My Profile

    • Yes, I will check it out and thank you so much. I love to see how God speaks confirmation through our lives in such beautiful ways. Thank you, TC.

  8. What a powerful illustration of the wonderful truth of God’s unconditional love for us.

    Thanks for sharing this Jason!
    Kevin Martineau recently posted..Be-living the GospelMy Profile

    • I’m just blown away at how God does everything to communicate His amazing love. Thank you, Kevin.

  9. This is beautiful, Jason. Beautiful illustration. Really speaks to my heart. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    • Thanks so much, Cathy.

  10. I loved reading this again today. I can’t speak for anyone else; but unfortunately past experience has definitely skewed my outlook on things. I know deep down God would never abandon me in anything, but I have been abandoned. That abandonment came with screaming in my face that I had screwed the situation up by my actions. So this goes back to your last post about His love being there no matter what mess we make. It’s sometimes hard to see that when humanity’s actions are so different from His. It’s hard to explain what I’m trying to say, but I think you probably can get the basic point. I try too hard to not screw things up with God, worried about how one little misstep may make Him walk away from me just like past experiences I’ve had with people. But in His unquenchable grace that is an absurd way to think. I don’t want to walk in sin and break His heart, but thinking that some how one false step can make Him walk away forever slaps His unfathomable love in the face. Anyway, thanks for this post that points out yet again a new thought process that can emerge from where I currently am.

    • I do get your point. We judge the character of God based on past experiences with relationships--from our parents to everyone else who has come down the pike. Just like we do with every new relationship, we tend to judge them by the past ones (unfairly or not). Until we truly get to know someone (and God is no different), we can’t fully enter into the depth of the relationship in front of us. Good thoughts, Philip. Thank you.

  11. For a while after becoming a Christian I had this total fear that God didn’t love me, that He tried me out and really didn’t approve of me for some reason. Insecurity? Maybe. But it all had to do with the rejection I felt from others. As a matter of fact, for the longest time I was in a Christian-based friendship where I had the same fear of eventually being abandoned. I can’t even explain the tears I shed thinking that my time was limited in that engagement. It’s just so awesome to finally understand, even if not totally comphrehended, what God means when He says “I hall never leave you, nor forsake you”
    Ed recently posted..The Student Who Scored 0% On His ExamMy Profile

    • Isn’t that incredible, Ed? Our fears play us and spin us around so that we worry about things not being the same or us being abandoned so that we cannot fully enjoy or be present in relationships in the “right now.” So sorry you experienced that, but glad God is walking you into His perfect freedom. Blessings to you, brother.


  1. Dusty Rayburn - RT @br8kthru: Abandonment Issues
  2. Glynn Young - Abandonment issues, new post by @br8kthru at Connecting to Impact
  3. Jason Stasyszen - RT @dlrayburn: RT @br8kthru: Abandonment Issues <<thanks so much, Dusty
  4. Jason Stasyszen - RT @gyoung9751: Abandonment issues, new post by @br8kthru at Connecting to Impact <<thank you, Glynn
  5. Jason Stasyszen - New Blog Post: Abandonment Issues
  6. Jason Stasyszen - RT @kevinmartineau: RT @br8kthru: Abandonment Issues <<I appreciate it, Kevin!
  7. Child of God - Reading on Connecting to Impact - Abandonment Issues Great read comparing God & adoption

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