Sitting dutifully at the end of the row of church chairs as she had done every Sunday morning for the past twelve or so years, Teresa smoothed the wrinkles in her pant leg and feigned attention.
At 34 years old, she had achieved most of her goals. She had experienced success in owning her own hair salon before she sold it a few years prior as she and her husband prepared to start a family. She gladly gave it up for the next adventure.
She and her husband, Max, now had two beautiful children, a spacious house, no real financial concerns… Their lives were fine.
The preacher kept on with his message of peace in the midst of the storm and a thought occurred to her. It was a thought that immediately made her a little embarrassed and ashamed. In fact, she felt heat rush to her cheeks and she knew if there were a mirror in front of her, she would have seen the reddish glow.
“Do I even need this anymore?”
It was an honest thought, she decided. When she started attending church, there were plenty of struggles to go around and she felt comfort in the message of hope she heard, it does get better. It got her through some hard times and lonely nights, and she met some great people.
Not that everybody in the church was open and caring, but she understood that people are people inside a church or outside. We can demand perfection, she thought, but we had better look out when the mirror swings back around to our own lives. No, she wasn’t having this thought because of anything or anyone.
In reality, she had been wrestling with this for over a year. She felt she was pretending. Sure, she sang the songs. Nodded her head in mental agreement, but that was it. She served in various capacities in the church and community. She and her husband gave faithfully to support missions. It wasn’t all me, me, me with them.
Another thought jolted her brain, Christmas was here again and her family would adopt a needy family to buy gifts for. They loved doing this! But just as suddenly, she turned back to her other thoughts and wondered if that feeling of something missing was just “one of those things” or “just how it is.”
She then realized she had been staring off to the right side of the platform, transfixed on a guitar on its stand. She shifted in her seat and thumbed through her Bible to the passage the pastor had called out, Isaiah 9:6,
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
“I’m glad I have peace,” Teresa whispered in her heart.
“Do you?” replied a still, small voice. Teresa had heard it before and knew it was different, but it always ended up drowned out by the other voices vying for attention. Right now though, it was all she could hear.
“Sure. My family is doing well. We live comfortably. We help others like we’re supposed to. Sounds like peace to me.”
“So you have peace in your circumstances? Is that the only peace to be found?” came the reply.
“I don’t know. Seems pretty important. We work hard and try to be good. What else is there?”
“The Prince of Peace brings total peace. You haven’t been resting well lately, have you?”
She tried to disregard the voice now because she didn’t want to think about how she had spent weeks with only precious few hours of sleep. Doctors couldn’t diagnose it, sleeping pills didn’t help. The uneasiness remained with no seeming cause and no solution in sight.
She knew in the scheme of things, it seemed fairly minor as afflictions go, but it was traumatic to her. She felt a tear well up in the corner of her eye.
“I’ve been using that to get you to a place of honesty, to bring you out of hiding, to show you who I really am. I love how you give. I love how you serve. I love how you take care of your family, but that’s not the fullness of why I created you. I’m with you in the plenty and I’m with you in the want. My heart burns for you and my love is a banner over you.
You’ve known me through others. You’ve seen glimpses and had tastes. It was nothing compared to what I wanted to give you. I have pursued you because I have more for you.’”
That tear of frustration was now an overwhelming flood of emotion and she couldn’t fight them back anymore. Her husband, shocked at first, put his arms around her and held her close.
The pastor had already called the worship leader back to the front. All by herself, she strummed her guitar and quietly proclaimed, “All to Jesus I surrender…”
Teresa had never felt so much love and the overwhelming sense of God’s presence. Her face had been buried in her hands, but she looked up as the preacher gently asked the young lady to hold on for a minute, “The Father has a question for you today, ‘what do you want for Christmas?’ ”
Teresa broke down again and bolted for the steps of the altar before she could even realize what she was doing. She saw so clearly that the gift of Jesus had been given to the world not because they asked for or wanted Him. Jesus came because we needed Him and He was the culmination of the Father’s pursuit of us– to the wildernesses of earth, to the depths of hell, to the heights of heaven.
“What do you want for Christmas?” she heard again, the question reverberating in her heart.
Her eyes darted back and forth as if to search for the answer somewhere in the room. What could she say in such a holy moment?
“I want to know you,” she said finally as “I Surrender All” swelled once again from the congregation. It was so perfectly orchestrated–as if heaven had been planning that moment for centuries.
Teresa couldn’t explain it if she tried, but in that moment, she felt the warmth of the Father’s smile. She joined the chorus of voices, and nothing would ever be the same again.
This is a repost of something I wrote last year, but I have been so captivated over these days with the meaning and expression of His peace. I thought it would be cool to revisit this story. Hope you enjoyed it.
6 Comments
Loved the story jason. Had no clue where it was going to end up (that is a good thing). I have found myself lately stirred, but not sure why. Maybe it is this. Maybe I will have one of “those” defining moments that will make all things clear. Thanks for reposting it.
bill (cycleguy) recently posted..DIETING
Thanks Bill. I’ll be praying you do have another defining moment. We need those so much and He’s so faithful.
Awesome story of His spirit working in the lives of His children. Those are the sweetest times in life. We fight shy of them, but in the end, the taste is like honey.
Nice fiction work. The stories that we know to be true in our lives are always the most powerful ones. Thanks.
floyd recently posted..A HOPELESS ROMANTIC
Yep, I have had many such experiences.
Thanks Floyd.
I needed to read this story today. Thank you.
Shywanda Patrice recently posted..God forgave you, now forgive yourself
Glad to hear that, Shywanda. By the way, we really missed you on Christmas Eve--hope you’re weekend was a good one.