Years ago, we had a couple that was part of our congregation–I’ll call them Mr. and Mrs. Grant.
They were a good family, and the husband had never accompanied his wife and kids to church before. He saw something real in our little community and made an effort to be there most of the time.
This was all wonderful, of course, but the hard aspect was Mr. Grant would scowl through the whole time I was leading worship. When 25-30 people are gathered in a small room, it’s hard not to notice it. I honestly tried my best not to look at him because it distracted me so badly.
His face was so puckered and angry looking that I thought he must be miserable. Even though I was glad he wanted to be a part, I wondered what had to be going through his mind to make him so unhappy during the service.
One Sunday I was gone for a conference out of town and called to check in with my wife on how the service had gone. I asked about a few different things then asked about certain ones and specifically Mr. and Mrs. Grant.
“Well, Mrs. Grant was there with the kids, but Mr. Grant didn’t come today,” she said.
“Oh really?” I asked, “was he sick or something?”
“No, his wife said he didn’t want to come today since he knew you wouldn’t be there and he enjoys the worship so much.”
At first, I was skeptical, but why would he be lying? His wife never pressured him to go to services. I was floored and it reinforced an important lesson to me. You can’t always judge what’s happening on the inside by what the outside looks like.
We are all at different stages and places in our walk with God. Some have huge deficits to overcome and they very well could be in completely different areas than your own. When the goal of the church leadership is conformity to the standards that they feel are easy enough to carry out themselves, we have a problem.
Conformity is not the goal–transformation is, and that’s going to happen as the Holy Spirit enables. Rest assured, if we submit to Him, it will take place and it will be more than small improvement.
C.S. Lewis said,
There’s a new way to be human, but we have to let grace rule not only in our own hearts but in the relationships with those around us. That scowling guy in the fifth row just may be your biggest supporter.
Have you ever been really wrong about someone? Is focusing on the ‘outside’ a temptation for you and what do you do to refocus?
This is part of our book club discussion on Week 32 of Mere Christianity (disclosure) by C.S. Lewis. We are taking a sentence, paragraph, or passage that inspires, encourages, or challenges and writing about it. If you have a response on your blog, add it in the link widget below and be sure to check out the other entries. Also head over to my friend and co-facilitator, Sarah Salter’s blog for another great take. Whether you’ve read the chapter or not, please share your thoughts! We always appreciate a vibrant conversation.
18 Comments
‘..we have to let grace rule…’
Excellent phrase… not just any grace, but God’s grace.
I’ve been wrong about people and I have judged people wrongly because they did not line up to my expectations or ‘standards’. I was wrong, and I was wrong to do so.
Nowadays I strive to reflect His grace in every encounter. I still fail on occasion but I continue to improve in Him.
None of us get it perfectly, but we can expect more as His grace takes more and more ground. Thanks Dusty!
I’m always wrong about people! lol…
I’m always judging and pointing fingers…but never in front of a mirror…
BTW…
Rom 12:2
“Conformity is not the goal–transformation is”
This is my new series in November…using the Transformers Trilogy…
So excited to share!
arny recently posted..The Analogy of the Ring #4: People.
Nice! Look forward to that series. Good stuff, Arny. Thanks.
I used to judge people a lot by how they worshipped. If they stood there just singing along, not raising their hands or closing their eyes or “getting into it,” I figured they didn’t really love Jesus or weren’t all that passionate about Him.
I’ve learned since then that everyone worships differently, and some of the people I thought weren’t passionate for Him actually were more passionate than those who went “all in” during a worship service.
Exactly, and some hide behind the outward expressions and are still faking it! I love the demonstrative worship, but it has to be real. Good points. Thanks Jason.
We’re always so quick to judge. And that quick judgment is usually in the context of ourselves — we think someone doesn’t like us, or they’re saying things about us., or any of 100 other things connected to us. Good post, Jason, and a good lesson for every one of us.
Glynn recently posted..The Hippie in the Choir Robe
You are so right, Glynn. Shows how self-centered we are, doesn’t it? Grace has lots to work on in us! Thanks so much.
Having led a home group for years, I’ve been wrong about folks more than once. Someone is seemingly disinterested & in reality are soaking it all in & love the time together even more than some of the most vibrant participants. Great article, thanks for sharing!
Mark Shiver recently posted..“Dipped in Blood”
Thank you so much, Mark.
“Conformity is not the goal–transformation is.”
Amen Jason! Sometimes it is easy to focus on the first and not the second. I want myself (and others) to be transformed not simply conformed to a certain standard!
Kevin Martineau recently posted..Selfishness destroys relationships
Pushing conformity to an earthly idea or standard of goodness is certainly easier, right? What’s sad is that it causes us to settle for false righteousness/self-righteousness instead of embracing His righteousness. As we are conformed to His grace and mind, we are transformed! Thanks so much, Kevin.
the only slates i have that are clean are the ones that Jesus cleans. it is hard to even think or speak and not find oneself judging another in some way. and i think that is the point. we are all sinners, and are in need of God.
nance marie recently posted..mere christianity . by c.s.Lewis
Totally agree, Nance. Jesus has cornered the market on slate cleaning, everything else is substandard by comparison.
Maybe he’s just an intense listener? I’ve had people say that to me before. It’s concentrating very hard while maybe formulating how it connects and resonates.
It’s true, we are all in different places in our walk with Him. I can only hope to walk every closer through the gift of Grace.
SarahBee recently posted..Feelings like Waves
Definitely could be. They moved away, but I will never forget him!
Thanks Sarah.
Since i sit up front with my back to the audience, I never see faces. When I preach it is a different story!
I have one man who is really unhappy with my leadership and the leadership of the church (mainly because we are not doing what he wants), so it is hard not to see his head down or eyes looking straight ahead as I preach. I have to focus elsewhere and pray that the Holy Spirit will reach him. He is affecting himself mainly and I reckon anyone else who may be watching him. This is the phrase I liked: Conformity is not the goal–transformation is, and that’s going to happen as the Holy Spirit enables. AMEN! thanks Jason.
bill (cycleguy) recently posted..Extremes
Oh yeah, distractions by people while preaching is a fun one! I have all kinds of stories about that. And you may not know exactly what’s happening in someone, but you can tell when something is off or not right. Thanks so much, Bill.