I’m Not God (and I’m Sick of Trying)
One good thing about writing a blog is that you can revisit things you’ve written in the past. It can be encouraging or convicting. As I looked back at a post I wrote all the way back in 2008, I was shocked that I still need these words so strongly.
Maybe you need them too.
Does God ever surprise you? I don’t mean a jump-out-of-the-bathroom-and-make-you-wet-your-pants surprise, although if you have a story like that I definitely want to hear it.
The surprise was another revelation of God’s patience and care for me.
Here’s how it went down. The other night I found myself pondering a situation where I thought I had messed up or let everyone down or looked stupid or maybe all of the above. What happened really was not a big deal and more importantly, there was nothing I could do to change it at that point. I’ve written about leaving people-pleasing behind and I think this situation was reflective of this.
I was obsessing about something that had happened in the midst of our service Sunday. I couldn’t seem to stop even though I tried. The more I thought about it and what I could have done differently, I saw myself as a weak and oblivious goober who didnâ€™t know what to do with himself. The more I thought about it, the more I and the situation became a caricature of what had really happened.
It was at this point that God surprised me. I heard Him say clearly, “You be you and I’ll be Me.”
In that moment, my whole perspective changed. I was trying to take the place of God. I thought I could determine what was going on or what impact I was having when nothing could have been further from the truth.
I felt such a freedom after I heard God say that, and it reassured me again that God was not angry, disappointed, or upset at my supposed incompetence. I know I should know it already, but I still struggle with it: all I can be is me.
The cool thing is that He created me and loves what He created. I can be me and not worry about the outcomes and impact as long as I set my heart on obeying Him and His word.
As I read this again, I remembered the situation and how small it made me feel because I had let someone steal my peace and joy. The enemy jumps in the chorus with you and suddenly you don’t know where the blows are coming from.
I’m farther along than I was, but I still struggle with this. Maybe you do too. I want to control outcomes and be “more effective” (although anytime I pursue that, the mark always changes before I reach it).
Take a deep breath and realize with me, “it’s enough for you to be you and let God be God. It’s the only way to live free and He purchased it for us with the precious blood of Jesus.
Have you ever been surprised by God or what He’s spoken to you or showed you? Do you ever struggle with trying to take care of God’s end of things?
Over at Faith Barista, Bonnie Gray is hosting a blog-and-comment discussion of Â what God’s revealing to us lately. Go check out all the great posts there.