Like so many other words, emptiness conjures up vivid images. There are certainly negative connotations and feelings associated with it. I felt them when I first heard that this would be the topic for this edition of the One Word Blog Carnival (go check out all the entries).
The word is very personal to me, the more I think about it, and very relevant to where I am today. I shared last week that over two years after our adoption finalized, we have two new foster children in our home. In fact, I’m holding our new little one year-old boy now as I type this.
I think about the reason we decided to do foster parenting in the first place. Simply put, it was emptiness. My wife and I had been trying to have another child after our first son and just couldn’t. Infertility was and is a terrible emptiness. Even though I empathize, I can’t even begin to imagine how my wife has felt through this process. She tries to explain, but I’ll only ever understand a taste of hers and my side of it.
All that aside, we knew the emptiness together. She had always wanted a house full of kids and month after month that dream was denied and crushed all over again. This led to a lot of crying out and seeking God. Some friends we knew were going through the process to become foster parents and though I was hesitant, I knew we couldn’t let emptiness define our lives so we trusted God was leading us and gave it a shot.
Sometimes you wonder if fullness is harder than emptiness. We were stressed, overworked, undercompensated, brokenhearted, mistreated, unloved many times, and wondering if this were really the path we were meant to walk. Was it really worth it?
We fought and stood on heavenly promises through it all. We saw little ones flourish in a loving house filled with prayer and God’s presence and became testimonies to social workers and broken parents alike. Children way too young to experience the brokenness they were living saw tremendous physical and emotional turnaround. This is not even mentioning the two little ones who became permanent members of our family and bring us joy every single day.
Lives were inarguably changed forever–theirs and ours.
What I realize now as I stare into the eyes of this new amazing child in our house is that the emptiness was never one-sided. They hadn’t planned on losing their parents (even for a season) just like we hadn’t planned on not being able to have more children.
There’s a hole in them and we may not be able to permanently fill it, but we can do good enough and trust God in the process (for them and us). People can’t tolerate emptiness and I don’t think God designed us to. Some fill it with drugs and alcohol. Others with sex and meaningless relationships. Others still with religious piety and strict rule-following.
The only thing that will actually take the emptiness away is love, and the only love that doesn’t fail is God’s. I find myself telling these two little boys “I love you” every chance I get. Partly, it’s because I believe they need to hear it but also I feel like, in some way, I’m speaking for God.
No matter the emptiness or its level, He keeps on saying “I love you” whether in whispers, shouts, or melodious songs. The voice may just be coming from another empty person who has chosen to love and be faithful in it.
When there’s hope, emptiness doesn’t defeat. It just means “waiting to be filled.”
No, I’ve decided when you remove all the negative, reactionary emotions that emptiness isn’t bad. Emptiness is nothing more than a tool–completely neutral–but it can lead us to some indescribably beautiful places.
49 Comments
this is powerful Jason. Very touching.
Thank you Michael and Laura.
This wonderful way you've chosen to fill the space in your lives also fills the space in these childrens' lives, a space wanting for love that because of you and your wife is now filling. What's also wonderful is that because these children will experience love, they'll remember it and return it to others they meet. What might seem a small step is a huge step toward making ours a better world.
Jason, your story is a beautiful example of how God's plan, while not our own, can be so powerful in the lives of people you never dreamed you'd cross paths with. And seeing emptiness as a tool to lead us to something new… that is a great image for me.
God is good! Amen. Amen!
Thanks Jason, great post, thanks for allowing God to use your writing. I agree with you that emptiness is not bad and it can lead to some beautiful things. Amen.
Amen to that Maureen. I believe it!
Thank you Joy.
God is so good! And I'm so glad. Thanks.
Wow, we were on the same page today, weren't we? I can't help but think of how wonderfully your emptiness has filled the hearts of those children. Bless you for doing what you do.
Awesome thoughts bro'…When we newlyweds the doctors told us we could never have kids and for seven yrs that was true. Then God healed my wife and seven kids later our house is full. You and your wife will be used by God to help fill emptiness in those kids lives I just know it!
Peace,
Jay
Definitely on the same page! Thanks Candy.
Wow, Jason. This was so powerful and touching. What an incredible opportunity… to fill an emptiness in these kids' lives as well as your own. Thanks for sharing this story!
Love it. You have such a beautiful take on emptiness, and I love how you touch on both the agony and the blessing of emptiness.
Oh, Jason. This is perfect. You're so right -- the only thing that will take away the emptiness is Love. We just need to understand that it's His Love that we need and stop chasing it elsewhere. Great post, my friend.
Wow- awesome testimony Jay. We still don't know exactly why Andrea has trouble carrying, but we believe we'll have at least one more naturally- something God promised us so we're standing for a miracle. Thanks!
Thank you, Bridget!
Katdish and Lainie- thanks so much.
Standing with you bro'
"No matter the emptiness or its level, He keeps on saying 'I love you' whether in whispers, shouts, or melodious songs. The voice may just be coming from another empty person who has chosen to love and be faithful in it."
Terrific story, and this section is beautiful … especially "The voice may just be coming from another empty person who has chosen to love and be faithful in it."
Thank you Ann. I appreciate this!
I agree. Among other things, we live in a culture that doesn't allow for "emptiness" in general and fills and fills and fills it some more… mostly with synthetic "stuff" … empty stuff. Oh, and there ain't nothin' better for "filling" than that sweet-touch loving you described. It can make a world, an ETERNITY, of difference in an empty life.
So true! Thank you Joanne- love your thoughts.
Great post Jason! I love your perspective on ‘emptiness’ here! My wife and I struggled with fertility issues, but were able to have our own, but we still long to care for a child who doesn’t have the hope that they need…
Thank you for sharing the link to this post over at The High Calling!
My wife got pregnant with our son just a year after we got married and we haven’t been able to have any more (although we still believe God that we will). In this time (10 years), it’s been incredible to be able to love, give, and serve in this capacity. It has changed our world in so many ways.
Thanks so much for your comment and thoughts, Dan.