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Laughing at Church

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Some days you need a break and a break is even better when you get to laugh.

Church is serious stuff, but that doesn’t mean church folks don’t do or say funny things. For something different, I thought I’d give you some church jokes and humor then ask you to give some more in the comments. I know, we’re gluttons for punishment, or as my son used to call it, punimish (which consequently sounds like a delicious Middle Eastern dish).

I found most of these on a site years ago that has since disappeared, but here are my top 7 (now that’s a holy number!) church jokes and/or humorous sayings as it stands today. If you don’t have chills and the urge to shout, “Hallelujah!” –there may well be something wrong with you.

  • You know it’s a bad meeting when… the church loudmouth rises to his feet and announces dramatically, “I can no longer remain silent!”
  • Pastor’s Bloopers: While studying the intricate dress of the priests in the Old Testament, the preacher came to the part that describes how the priests put bells on the bottom of their robes. He asked, “Why do you suppose the priests had to tinkle.” After a second of silence, the class broke up with laughter.
  • A couple ways the Bible would be different if written by college students: the Ten Commandments would actually be only five, double-spaced and written in a large font. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
  • Ways to know you’re in the wrong church: There’s no cover charge, but communion is a two drink minimum, services are B.Y.O.S. (Bring Your Own Snakes), and the church bus has gun racks for the coming fall of civilization.
  • This could be a whole post, but Church Bulletin Mistakes: “This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar” or how about “During the absence of our pastor we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Scubbs supplied our pulpit” (Hmmm, that one may not have been a mistake).
  • Letters from children to their pastors: “Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won’t be there.” Stephen. Age 8, Chicago. And this one is cute, “Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?” Marie. Age 9, Lewiston.
  • You Might Be a Preacher if… You’ve ever dreamed you were preaching only to awaken and discover you were. You’ve ever spoken for free and were worth every penny of it. Instead of being “ticked off,” you get “grieved in your spirit.”

Now, that’s not even taking into account redneck preachers, but maybe that’s for another time (and I don’t want to be sued by Jeff Foxworthy).

Okay, it’s your turn! Lay some church humor on me and while we’re at it, are there any church “jokes” you think should be retired completely, put out to pasture, or put out of their (or our) misery?

 

7 Comments

  1. Can’t think of any jokes right off the bat, Jason, but these sure made me laugh today.
    Blessings!
    Martha Orlando recently posted..I Lift Up My EyesMy Profile

    • Then I did my job! Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 Thanks Martha!

  2. I got one for you:
    Question: How did the disciples (or Apostles) travel?
    Answer: By car. The Bible clearly states they traveled by one Accord.

    • Reminds me of my dad’s old favorite: what’s the only state mentioned in the Bible? Arkansas --Noah looked out from the ark-n-saw… Oh yeah, groans all around! Ha! Thanks Ed.

      • LOL

  3. I knew I should have paid better attention to the last few jokes at church…

    However, although I can’t think of one, I do enjoy a good laugh… even at my own expense these days!

    • I have to admit, I’d rather poke fun at myself than have others do it for me (probably a little bit of that control issue coming out). 🙂 Either way, I do like to laugh! Thanks Floyd.

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