What I Find (Layer after Layer)
I found myself this week feeling a twinge of jealousy. I promise I’m not trying to downplay it. It was just a thought that occurred to me about a friend I have who was radically saved and set free after coming to the end of his rope.
He did any and seemingly everything related to sin, but an encounter with Jesus transformed him.
I, on the other hand, grew up in church. I went to a Christian school and experienced God’s presence and truth all along the way. Still, pain, hurt, heartache built into unhealthy patterns and subtle assumptions about God or deceptions about life.
I guess I was in a way jealous of the clean break. You do all the bad stuff, see how fruitless it is, and move on. I feel like I’m in a slow process of uncovering lies I’ve believed and putting down ungodly thoughts and actions that developed into habits along the way.
Honestly when I had the thought, it seemed innocuous enough. Made sense, so to speak. Later on in the week though, that thought came out of nowhere when I was talking to God about other hurts that needed healing.
Why did that come up? I thought. Then I realized I had to repent for thinking God was unfair. I was essentially the older brother from Jesus’ story of the father and his lost son (Luke 15:11-32).
Why did you let him have a clean break and I’ve been with you the whole time and feel like I’m having to fight so hard…
When I let it go though, I could see the Father at work. He never wanted the pains inflicted on me or that I inflicted on myself; but there He was exposing what the lies were and revealing the truth.
It was as if He was taking layer after layer away; and with every layer I could see more of His faithfulness.
Mercies are available, and they are new every morning. He has never left you, and great is His faithfulness.
Associating “great” with God’s faithfulness feels a little like whoever named the Grand Canyon. Grand certainly fits, but it doesn’t begin to describe what you experience as you stand on the edge of it. It’s truly the same when you peer into His great faithfulness.
Maybe someone needs to hear this today. You may not be angry at the Father like the older son was about his father’s treatment of the prodigal, but maybe you’ve questioned why they seemingly got it easier than you.
In both cases, God is lovingly overseeing the restoration. He’s healing and demonstrating patience, focus, and commitment to you. Don’t fixate on how or when it all happens.
Delight in Him that He’s doing it and He’s with you.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced anything similar to this? What did you do with it?