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My Confidence Killer

Have you met someone that just exuded confidence? And right away you just knew they had a strong sense of who they were and where they were going?

Yeah, I don’t think I’m even close to that guy, and it’s never been like that for me.

I’m stepping out, embracing the call to be fearless, and moving into…transition. Ah, there’s hardly ever a clean break, is there? It seems that before the promised land there’s a wilderness prepared for us in between. It’s a time to wrestle the demons, wrestle yourself, and wrestle with God. I’ve had plenty of these times in my life and it seems like there wouldn’t be anything else to wrestle, but there always is.

This month I’ve dropped down to part-time, and I’m ultimately leaving my full-time job so that I can concentrate on pastoring our church and the other ministry opportunities I have. That is to say, ministry opportunities that are coming–because as it stands now, I don’t have hundreds or even tens of people asking me to come and minister, but I still trust God. I’m following His voice and leading the best I can.

I have confidence in His word and that He is moving. I have increasing confidence that He will provide for me and my family, whether it be naturally or supernaturally. I have confidence that His grace is real in every situation, for whatever comes down the pike.

No, these I seem to have a handle on. My confidence killer is something else–easily identified–and I know him all too well. My confidence killer is me.

I hope you don’t mind my confessional today, but the issue has never been God or to any huge degree believing He can do what He says. Secretly, I fear that I won’t measure up. I fear that I will short-circuit God’s plan somehow, that I will mess up and my family won’t be provided for. I’m afraid I won’t be able to lead where God wants to go.

I realize how stupid and arrogant that sounds, but we bring those things in darkness into the light to expose them. That’s what I’m doing. Now, please allow me to preach to myself.

  • It’s stupid because if God calls, He equips and graces. There is enough power in His word to accomplish everything it sets out to do.
  • It’s arrogant because I’ve placed myself bigger than God. I think my problems, lacks, real or potential failures can somehow thwart His goodness, grace, life, and truth.

I can’t say I believe God and in the next breath think I can defeat Him. I’m not going to let me kill my confidence. I’m purposing to be fearlessly bold in my gifting and grace. I believe it’s time to see people set free and know Jesus to a deeper level.

I’m going to be the leader He’s made me to be not because I have it all figured out, but because I know He does and I follow His heart daily. And I go back over and over again to the alive Word–the transforming truth.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. –Galatians 2:20

Ah, that feels better. My God is magnificent, my accuser has been defeated, and my killer has been crucified so I’m ready to move deeper into His grace and love.

Do you have a confidence killer? What are you going to do about it?


I have included this post in Bonnie Gray’s Faith Barista jam where we were encouraged to talk about how God is calling us to confidence.

41 Comments

  1. Love that you are open for us brother. I do have a confidence killer and it’s secretly what others think about me. I say I don’t care but I do.

    It’s crazy

    • I know what you mean. That’s a huge one. Thank you, Matthew.

    • I’ll echo what Matthew said. I’m the same way. Helps me at times to remember Galatians 1:10, always seems to hit me (in a good way) right when I need it. :)

      • Man, that’s true. We can’t live to please people and be Christ’s servant at the same time. I’ve learned and relearned that over and over again. Thanks for your thoughts, Dustin. I appreciate it.

  2. I get in my way more than anything else. Doubts. Fears. and Insecurities. What an awesome promise in Galatians.
    Michael recently posted..Stepping Onto The IceMy Profile

    • I love that verse, but it stood out differently this time as I remembered it. Thanks Michael.

  3. I’m with Matthew… I focus entirely too much on what others think instead of just focusing on God’s leading.

    The post I wrote today deals with this and was actually directed at me.

    Michael Perkins post also relates…

    And Randy Kinnick wrote about course corrections in our walk here: Recalculating | eFlections on Doing Life http://bit.ly/hmRQkF

    It’s time to Trust Him as we put our life on His course.
    Dusty Rayburn recently posted..Ridicule and RejectionMy Profile

    • Well, I always read yours and Michael’s, and I’ll go check out Randy’s too. Thank you, Dusty.

      • Great words, Jason. And the funny thing is, I can kill my confidence even after I’ve seen God’s hand at work in/through me in the past. Thanks for reminding me of the awesome promise that it isn’t me, it is Him and His power that makes the difference.

        …and thanks for checking out my blog. :-)

        • I know--it seems crazy but we do it all the time. Thank you, Randy. And as for checking out your blog, you can thank Dusty for that. That was a great post so I’m glad I got to read it. :)

  4. Honestly, I preach to myself ALL the time. There’s something about speaking the truth over my life that is freeing. I speak it to myself in the middle of my doubt and fears. I don’t know how it works, but I am able to encourage myself and break through that junk.

    I love this man.
    Tony Alicea recently posted..The Dash Between The DatesMy Profile

    • I think we have to. It’s being honest with ourselves and honest with God so that His grace can overtake all the other in our hearts. Thanks, Tony--appreciate your thoughts.

  5. My confidence killer is the same as yours -- me.

    I just recently made a huge step of faith and turned my college ministry of 8 years into its own nonprofit, in order to raise money, start at other colleges and grow the work I do in Europe. And of course, no sooner had I done that, that I began to think that I couldn’t do it -- I can’t fundraise a salary for myself. I can’t plant groups at other colleges. I can’t create resources, I can’t…I can’t…I can’t… And if I try, I will fail.

    And I guess I’m right. I can’t. But God can.

    I love the line you wrote: I can’t say I believe God and in the next breath think I can defeat Him.

    Definitely going to meditate on that one for a while. Thanks for being open and honest. You really encouraged me today!
    Jason Vana recently posted..Your One ThingMy Profile

    • All we can do is follow His lead and trust Him. I know for me, this hasn’t turned out like I had planned but I had the choice to either believe what He spoke or turn back. I hear my own “I can’t” statements all the time, but it’s all for Him and He will see us through! Thanks Jason--appreciate your sharing here today. You blessed me.

      • It seems to be something God is speaking to a lot of people since the start of this year. I can’t tell you how many people have said something similar -- feeling prompted by God to move past their fear and step forward this year. We’re definitely not alone in this feeling.

        Your post really blessed me today, too, and actually inspired me to write a post for Saturday (that I just finished). Keep being open and pursuing what He has for you! It’s encouraging to see.
        Jason Vana recently posted..Your One ThingMy Profile

        • Yeah, I’ve seen and heard a lot of people talking about it too. Thanks for the encouragement and same to you!

  6. My confidence killer is my fear to try something new. I actually just posted about this a few minutes ago.

    • I seem to recall reading something about that this morning from you. :) Thanks Jay.

  7. It’s very scary to trust God sometimes. For me, I make the mistake of thinking I understand God’s plan and have it all figured out. Then, when things don’t go the way I think they should, I second guess whether I was doing what I was supposed to be doing in the first place. What I fail to realize until I look back on certain situations is that the process (with all the successes and failures) was all part of His plan in the first place. I go into an endeavor and forget that the refining of me is part of the bigger plan. His story. Not mine.
    katdish recently posted..ShatteredMy Profile

    • Even as we step out in faith, we get so self-focused don’t we? Your comment makes me want to make a plaque that says “this is His story, not mine. I surrendered all.” What a great reminder. Thanks Kat.

  8. I can definitely relate to what you are saying Jason. My biggest confidence is myself too.

    I am praying for you and your family as you step out in faith with God!
    Kevin Martineau recently posted..The problem is with us- not with God!My Profile

    • Can’t tell you how much I appreciate the prayers. Thank you, Kevin. :)

  9. You are not alone, dude!
    Yesterday, I kid you not, I believe God said He could make a ballerina out of me still if He wanted to (keep in mind that isn’t my goal.. never was a dancer at all, plus I’m very fat), and that my size, age, ore even health won’t determine whether He is able to use me. He requires me to step out in faith, because He wants a trusting daughter, not a robot He’ll control, but that is all He needs.

    BTW, the gist of the conversation really wasn’t that he wants to turn me into a ballerina at all. He was just using the most ridiculous example I could wrap my mind around.
    Helen recently posted..Merry Twelfth Day of ChristmasMy Profile

  10. Oh yeah, all that came up because I was telling Him that I’m afraid I could screw up His plans for me if I don’t know ahead of time what they are…..
    Helen recently posted..Merry Twelfth Day of ChristmasMy Profile

    • I love that, Helen! Those types of conversations with God will change us. And for the record, I don’t want to be a ballerina either. :) Thanks so much for your thoughts and encouragement!

  11. I’m my own confidence killer as well. Thoughts like “am I good enough?” always destroy any confidence I’ve gained in myself. It’s a daily and sometimes hourly to give my insecurities back to God. Thanks for sharing.
    Amy Nabors recently posted..He WillMy Profile

    • You’re talking to one who understands! Thanks Anne--I appreciate it.

  12. I am so right there with you, Jason. 5 loaves, 2 fish. Broken pieces. Feeding thousands. God is going to do this thing through you.

    Jason, you are so covered. So proud you wrote this post, so it won’t intimidate you.

    And I know He’s gonna have to do some root canal type work in me that’s going to be continuing. But, we’re doing it. YOU’RE doing it.
    Faith Barista Bonnie recently posted..Do You Plan For The Worst And Hope For The BestMy Profile

    • It’s so encouraging to stand with others! Thank you Bonnie. :)

  13. I think I know how you feel bro’ (the offers are not exactly off the charts if you get my drift). I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your heart with us.

    There is promise for you and promise in you…the Father has prepared you for this mission…you have what it takes. Remember all He has told you, all He has taught you and all He has blessed you with. I’m praying for you Bro’

    What a fool, quoth he, am I, thus to lie in a stinking dungeon, when I may as well walk at liberty! I have a key in my bosom, called Promise, that will, I am persuaded, open any lock in Doubting Castle. ~John Bunyan

    • Amen, Jay. Thank you for your thoughts here and your prayers. So thankful!

  14. My confidence killer is also me. I need to put God back on the throne and step aside.

    This needs to happen daily. Prayer, reading His word and great blogs like this help keep the focus.

    Great post Jason.
    David Knapp recently posted..Authentic Christians Do Not SinMy Profile

    • Absolutely. Thank you, David--I appreciate that.

  15. Man, I’m right there with ya, brother! I love your perspective here about how we are basically telling God that our problem/situation is too big for him. Definitely something to think about. Thanks, Jason!
    Ginny (MAD21) recently posted..Tasty Bites- Chicken ProvencalMy Profile

    • It doesn’t make any sense when we break it down. It’s why I need to keep breaking it down. :) Then I trust in Him. Thanks Ginny.

  16. I’m with Katdish — I second-guess myself (and God?) in a heartbeat when I feel perhaps called in a certain direction, and then suddenly the plan doesn’t seem to be working out. Yikes, that throws me into a tizzy.

    I like your sermon to yourself — one of the advantages of being a minister, I guess! :)
    Michelle DeRusha recently posted..RewindMy Profile

    • Oh I don’t know, Michelle. I think anyone can preach to themselves. :) Thanks for your thoughts!

  17. Wowee! Woot! Woot! Yeah! Just read this aloud with my hubby.

    Every time I feel anything against God’s truth about me, I’ll remember this post and I’ll bring those “things” out of the darkness and into His light.

    Thank You Jason.
    Jeri Taira recently posted..She Can Laugh NowMy Profile

    • That’s where He’s called us to live! Thank you, Jeri.

  18. Great post. I rember as a little kid watching the neighbors kids scateboard thinking I can never do that and look that cool. It took me years to figure out that they were not that good or that cool. But I still often automatically assume others just know how to do it better then I do…

    • I know exactly what you mean. Different story, but same feeling. It’s so hard to figure out that it’s not real sometimes. Thanks Doug--appreciate the thoughts.