My Confidence Killer
Have you met someone that just exuded confidence? And right away you just knew they had a strong sense of who they were and where they were going?
Yeah, I don’t think I’m even close to that guy, and it’s never been like that for me.
I’m stepping out, embracing the call to be fearless, and moving into…transition. Ah, there’s hardly ever a clean break, is there? It seems that before the promised land there’s a wilderness prepared for us in between. It’s a time to wrestle the demons, wrestle yourself, and wrestle with God. I’ve had plenty of these times in my life and it seems like there wouldn’t be anything else to wrestle, but there always is.
This month I’ve dropped down to part-time, and I’m ultimately leaving my full-time job so that I can concentrate on pastoring our church and the other ministry opportunities I have. That is to say, ministry opportunities that are coming–because as it stands now, I don’t have hundreds or even tens of people asking me to come and minister, but I still trust God. I’m following His voice and leading the best I can.
I have confidence in His word and that He is moving. I have increasing confidence that He will provide for me and my family, whether it be naturally or supernaturally. I have confidence that His grace is real in every situation, for whatever comes down the pike.
No, these I seem to have a handle on. My confidence killer is something else–easily identified–and I know him all too well. My confidence killer is me.
I hope you don’t mind my confessional today, but the issue has never been God or to any huge degree believing He can do what He says. Secretly, I fear that I won’t measure up. I fear that I will short-circuit God’s plan somehow, that I will mess up and my family won’t be provided for. I’m afraid I won’t be able to lead where God wants to go.
I realize how stupid and arrogant that sounds, but we bring those things in darkness into the light to expose them. That’s what I’m doing. Now, please allow me to preach to myself.
- It’s stupid because if God calls, He equips and graces. There is enough power in His word to accomplish everything it sets out to do.
- It’s arrogant because I’ve placed myself bigger than God. I think my problems, lacks, real or potential failures can somehow thwart His goodness, grace, life, and truth.
I can’t say I believe God and in the next breath think I can defeat Him.Â I’m not going to let me kill my confidence. I’m purposing to be fearlessly bold in my gifting and grace. I believe it’s time to see people set free and know Jesus to a deeper level.
I’m going to be the leader He’s made me to be not because I have it all figured out, but because I know He does and I follow His heart daily. And I go back over and over again to the alive Word–the transforming truth.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. –Galatians 2:20
Ah, that feels better. My God is magnificent, my accuser has been defeated, and my killer has been crucified so I’m ready to move deeper into His grace and love.
Do you have a confidence killer? What are you going to do about it?
I have included this post in Bonnie Gray’s Faith Barista jam where we were encouraged to talk about how God is calling us to confidence.