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There’s Never Time for Intimacy


Before my wife and I got together in college, I had made a decision in the summer months following high school that I was forgoing all rights to make a decision about who my wife would be. I completely surrendered it to God.

I was in for a shock when shortly after the semester started I genuinely felt God drawing me to a girl (and I realize some would say, that wasn’t the Lord drawing you, but I do know the difference!). I fought it. I questioned it. I resisted, but we developed a friendship over the coming months where I knew I had completely fallen in love with her.

It wasn’t a chore or discipline to spend time with each other. I neglected a lot of other things to be with her. Now, I still did my assignments, classes, and work (mostly to my best ability), but she was what mattered because I just wanted to be with her.

Fast forward to all these years later and I still love to be with her. There are certainly times where I have to be intentional about intimacy and maintaining it, but it’s not a primary concern. Generally speaking, it’s a slight adjustment here and there, a willingness to be conscious of it. Our intimacy now compared to then is night and day–so much deeper–but it took time to build that.

Isn’t that what Intimacy with God is supposed to look like?

Cultivating an intimate relationship with God doesn’t mean sitting in a monastery for the rest of your life in meditation. Rather, it’s learning to bring God into every part of your existence, including your finances, conversations, relationships, schoolwork, time, cooking, eating, sleeping, and drinking.  –Christa Black Gifford, Heart Made Whole

Bringing it all together and making it all worship to Him–our reasonable act of worship (Romans 12:1-2). That’s what He’s asked us to do: present our bodies as living sacrifices because of His mercy.

But who has time? Surely God understands that you’re busy and the Christmas season is crazy, right?! When everything gets stable, when I get my breakthrough in whatever area, I know I’ll be able to focus on intimacy then.

It’s a subtle thought, but one that shackles you. You and I both know though that there will always be excuses why this time period is just too hard, but Christa also relates this truth spoken by minister Graham Cooke, “Relationship is God’s responsibility—and He secured that with the cross. But now, fellowship is your responsibility.”

She also mentions David and his passion for God’s presence. Remember, David didn’t become king and then decide to develop intimacy with God. Instead, it was that intimacy that made him eligible to be a king in the first place. Even after many trials and setbacks, he maintained that intimacy and love for His presence that carried him all the way through.

You have to make the decision to spend the time now.

David got God’s attention because God had David’s. He was a man after His own heart. I think we can get caught up in God’s purposes or plans and fail to realize that intimacy shapes who you are and who you’ll be while also carrying you to the finish line.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you ever seen intimacy as too time-consuming? 

hmwWelcome to week 7 of our book club discussion of Heart Made Whole by Christa Black GiffordWe are taking a sentence, paragraph, or passage that inspires, encourages, or challenges and writing about it. If you have a response on your blog, add your link to the widget at my friend and co-facilitator, Sarah Salter’s place. 

Whether you’ve read the chapter or not, feel free to dive into the conversation!


  1. Intimacy is something about which we must be conscious and long to keep alive in our relationship with God (and with our spouse). And you’re so right, Jason, that this intimacy isn’t instantaneous, but develops slowly over time. We do need to remember that God has made the first move in relationship; all we need do is be in fellowship with Him.

  2. There is a tenderness to intimacy that we sometimes miss when we (typically) focus not he passion. It’s just as important as the passion, and I have to think about what it looks like for God to be showing tenderness to me.

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