You Need Emotional Honesty
Several weeks ago, I experienced some severe spiritual warfare that left me feeling raw, vulnerable, blindsided. Scripture lets us know that we will face these things and His grace equips us. Still, in the heat of the battle, you can feel like you have no idea which way is up and you get turned around easily.
In the midst of this, I had someone say something to me that normally might not have meant much, but in that context, it felt like a knife in my heart. The way it was said and the feelings behind it felt like a 500 pound boulder crushing me.
I immediately launched into telling myself why this wasn’t a big deal, why this person didn’t really mean it, and how I knew I was in a spiritual battle. Hours later, I couldn’t shake it so I began to tell myself how silly I was for holding on to this.
“It’s not that big a deal, just let it go,” I thought. But I couldn’t.
As the night progressed and a hopelessness set in, I blew it completely then immediately felt horrible and repented.
The next morning I woke up with this thought from the Holy Spirit, “why didn’t you just own up to how you felt?”
It was in that moment that I understood how I had let things get out of control. Normally, it’s never that fast. Things fester and take time to build, but in that battle, it was as if everything was amplified and results/consequences were sped up.
What I realized is that in all my trying to excuse and justify myself and others, I never owned up to the fact that I was hurt by what was said. I knew I was, but I wouldn’t fully admit it to myself or God.
If I had, I don’t think I would have experienced the fruit of my unbelief and pride that night. My lack of emotional honesty cost me something.
If only I had remembered 1 Peter 5:6-8 (NASB),
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
By not casting your burden on the Father, you try to carry something that isn’t yours. It may not manifest in a day, a month, or even a year, but rest assured if you carry it long enough, you’ll have to eat the fruit of it.
It’s a humbling thing to acknowledge you can’t carry even what we consider the slightest of burdens and anxiety. You want to tell Him, “It’s okay, God. I got this one,” but there is one like a roaring lion prowling behind us and that load we carry makes us vulnerable to his attack.
Our Father loves us so much. He has better for us than trying to muddle through and carry what we weren’t meant to.
You may have trouble with being emotionally honest, but you need to see what’s at stake. You say, “oh, my family’s always been like this” or “this is how I’ve been my whole life.” Does that make it all right? Don’t you want to embrace the way of freedom?
I do. I want to remember this lesson and cling to the grace He’s beautifully portioned for me.
How about you? Have you had a hard time in the past being emotionally honest? Do you currently struggle with it?